As a teenager, I have made countless visits to my old frenemy, Low Self Esteem. This friend of mine, however, disliked he may be, has taught me a lot about myself, and about how to treat others.
Low Self Esteem first came to visit me around the age of 12. Having been homeschooled my whole life, I was only recently realizing that I was quite different from everyone else. Not only in my physical appearance, but also in my mannerisms and actions. Well, as a 12-year-old, this basically destroyed me. 12 Year old me was convinced that she would never be able to make friends at her new church but 12-year-old me’s biggest concern was that she would never have a boyfriend.
That’s right. That was what I was most worried about, and I’m sure that a lot of girls can relate. At that age, the idea of a “significant other” what getting thrown in my face every ten minutes. (at least that’s what it felt like). All that mattered was who like who and what one person said to another when no one was looking. Looking back, its the dumbest thing I ever wasted my time on, but it taught me a lot.
Often times it feels like everyone is in a relationship besides me. It hurts. I’m just gonna say it, it sucks being single, it really does. But 12 year old me learned a lot as she prayed every day for God to help her wait patiently for her future husband. When 12-year-old me felt sad or upset with the way life was going she would pray for God to reassure her that He had a plan. 12-year-old me needed lots of reassurance that God would give her good friends, and eventually a husband.
I continued to live and pray like this until I was 14. When I was 14, I was fed up with having girlfriends who found it so easy to talk to guys. I was sick of wanting a boyfriend. 14-year-old me prayed one day. She prayed that God would take away her feelings and just save them for later. God showed her verses in the bible that helped her trust his plans. God answered her prayers and younger me had no crush’s till she was stupid around the age of 16 and thought that a boy might be worth her time. He wasn’t. End of story, now moving on to current me who just wants to get through high school!
ANYWAYS now that you know my story, I can tell you what it taught me! Feeling low and even wishing I didn’t exist has taught me to be sensitive to other people’s feelings. I can understand hating the circumstances that God has given you. I can relate to hating yourself for being different, even if you just can’t help it. I can understand feeling so bad about yourself that you just wish you didn’t have to deal with life anymore.
Feeling alone and as if I would never make friends taught me to reach out to other people because it’s possible that they feel or have felt that way too. ALSO during that time in my life, God showed me that even when it feels like no one else is there for me, He is. He always is. God never leaves you. He stands beside you and helps you through your struggles.
So overcoming low self-esteem is ridiculously hard, but there are many ways to get through it. Listening to music is a great one. Songs like “He Said” and “In Christ Alone” and even songs like “me too” by Megan Trainor helped get my confidence up.
Finding your identity in Christ is a crucial step to building confidence in yourself. If you know who you are with Jesus, you can show that to the world knowing that the King of Kings has your back. When you’re at your lowest is when God can make himself know easiest because you are searching for love and comfort, and that’s exactly what he want’s to give you.
So having a tough teenage life with complicated friendships and relationships kinda sucks, but it’s taught me a lot. There are things in my life that I wish were different, like I wish that I could have lived in the same place all my life and knows the same people. Everyone has things they wish were different, but believe me when I say that God has you where he wants you, and if you’re not where he wants you, He’ll get you there.
Within all the crazy, awkward, and cringe-worthy experiences we have, there’s always something we can learn. Never forget to Live Different as you trust the plans that God has for you!
P.S If you actually read this whole thing, thank you so much! you have no idea how much I appreciate it! feel free to like and comment or message me directly at any time. Love you all ❤