How To Get Over That Low Self Esteem

 

landscape photography of withered tree
Photo by Simon Matzinger on Pexels.com

As a teenager, I have made countless visits to my old frenemy, Low Self Esteem. This friend of mine, however, disliked he may be, has taught me a lot about myself, and about how to treat others.

Low Self Esteem first came to visit me around the age of 12. Having been homeschooled my whole life, I was only recently realizing that I was quite different from everyone else. Not only in my physical appearance, but also in my mannerisms and actions. Well, as a 12-year-old, this basically destroyed me. 12 Year old me was convinced that she would never be able to make friends at her new church but 12-year-old me’s biggest concern was that she would never have a boyfriend.

That’s right. That was what I was most worried about, and I’m sure that a lot of girls can relate. At that age, the idea of a “significant other” what getting thrown in my face every ten minutes. (at least that’s what it felt like). All that mattered was who like who and what one person said to another when no one was looking. Looking back, its the dumbest thing I ever wasted my time on, but it taught me a lot.

Often times it feels like everyone is in a relationship besides me. It hurts. I’m just gonna say it, it sucks being single, it really does. But 12 year old me learned a lot as she prayed every day for God to help her wait patiently for her future husband. When 12-year-old me felt sad or upset with the way life was going she would pray for God to reassure her that He had a plan. 12-year-old me needed lots of reassurance that God would give her good friends, and eventually a husband.

I continued to live and pray like this until I was 14. When I was 14, I was fed up with having girlfriends who found it so easy to talk to guys. I was sick of wanting a boyfriend. 14-year-old me prayed one day. She prayed that God would take away her feelings and just save them for later. God showed her verses in the bible that helped her trust his plans. God answered her prayers and younger me had no crush’s till she was stupid around the age of 16 and thought that a boy might be worth her time. He wasn’t. End of story, now moving on to current me who just wants to get through high school!

ANYWAYS now that you know my story, I can tell you what it taught me! Feeling low and even wishing I didn’t exist has taught me to be sensitive to other people’s feelings. I can understand hating the circumstances that God has given you. I can relate to hating yourself for being different, even if you just can’t help it. I can understand feeling so bad about yourself that you just wish you didn’t have to deal with life anymore.

Feeling alone and as if I would never make friends taught me to reach out to other people because it’s possible that they feel or have felt that way too. ALSO during that time in my life, God showed me that even when it feels like no one else is there for me, He is. He always is. God never leaves you. He stands beside you and helps you through your struggles.

So overcoming low self-esteem is ridiculously hard, but there are many ways to get through it. Listening to music is a great one. Songs like “He Said” and “In Christ Alone” and even songs like “me too” by Megan Trainor helped get my confidence up.

Finding your identity in Christ is a crucial step to building confidence in yourself. If you know who you are with Jesus, you can show that to the world knowing that the King of Kings has your back. When you’re at your lowest is when God can make himself know easiest because you are searching for love and comfort, and that’s exactly what he want’s to give you.

So having a tough teenage life with complicated friendships and relationships kinda sucks, but it’s taught me a lot. There are things in my life that I wish were different, like I wish that I could have lived in the same place all my life and knows the same people. Everyone has things they wish were different, but believe me when I say that God has you where he wants you, and if you’re not where he wants you, He’ll get you there.

Within all the crazy, awkward, and cringe-worthy experiences we have, there’s always something we can learn. Never forget to Live Different as you trust the plans that God has for you!

P.S If you actually read this whole thing, thank you so much! you have no idea how much I appreciate it! feel free to like and comment or message me directly at any time. Love you all ❤

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Lost Love of Mail

This topic was suggested by a friend, so let’s see where it goes!

I don’t know about you guys, but when I was a kid I loved getting mail! I would always pray that I got a letter from someone, not even caring who. There was something about receiving a letter enclosed in an envelope that someone wrote just for you. The sentimental meaning goes far beyond anything that an email can carry.

Well, not that I’m receiving multiple letters every day from colleges all over America, I don’t long for letters near as much. However, I do have a couple of pen pals (Love you guys!) and I’m always so happy when I get letters from them! I’m sure they feel the same way. Mail is great.

Now listen, mail is so much more important then we let on. I mean, without the post, America would have had a hard time getting on within the government and all through the country. I know that we have the option to use things like email and texting, both of which are much faster. However, do you get the same feeling of excitement when you hear this “ding” of your inbox? you can touch the physical letter that you know the writer touched as they wrote. you can’t experience that feeling of joy, knowing that someone took their time to reach out to you. It’s just not the same.

We’re getting lost in a world of technology. Especially us teenagers. So, I encourage you all this week to write a letter to someone! it can literally be anyone. It’s so much fun! Get yourself a desk set for your cards and envelopes, go get some stamps, and start writing!

Happy Posting!

As always, don’t ever forget to Live Different.

It’s The Holiday Season

Hey all! It’s been awhile! I didn’t post for thanksgiving because I’ve been planning this post for awhile.

2018 has been an insane year… I think we can all agree to that. We’ve all had ups and downs, gains and losses, oh yes’s and oh no’s. 2018 Has given us all joy, pain, fear, regret, happiness, excitement, and love. As we bring this year to a close, many of us (including myself) dream of boxing this year, or pieces of it, away and not expecting to open those boxes for a time to come. 2018 holds some memories that we don’t want, and other that we pray never to forget.

This year has been a year of realizations for me. I’ve realized that, if you’re not paying attention, time flies much faster than you’d like it to. I’ve also realized (through a lot of tears and angry journal entries) that as long as you have your family, friends are optional. This year has been a hard one for me in regards to friendships. For the longest time I would feel alone in a room full of people and as if I had no one to talk to but my sisters. As of right now I believe that I am surrounded by friends and family who care for me. I believe that God gave me this experience to teach me a valuable lesson. Family first, AND that I don’t always need to be the center of attention. That was a hard pill to swallow, but I’m glad I did. Through this I also learned that sometimes the people that really care for you are the ones that you hardly pay attention to. That one friend that you don’t see very often, but still texts you to see that you are doing well.

2018 had been full of experiences. It’s been a long year. Thanksgiving this year was different for me. It feels like I’m only just now starting to realize what it is to be thankful and appreciative. The more I see of the real world, through my college classes and work, the more I see a selfish and disrespectful world. I’m starting to see why people say “welcome to the real world”. It’s not a fun place.

Christmas this year has been strange. I don’t feel the same anticipation for presents that I did when I was younger. I guess I’ve just learned that worldly things are not as valuable as many believe. Money is  a man made thing by the way. God sees no value in it. I did get things that I wanted, and I’m very happy. BUT I know that I don’t NEED anything.

I’m Almost 18… Super scary! 🙂

In some ways, I think I’m ready for life, but in other ways, I know I’m not. I dream of college every day, but I’m scared of leaving home. I want to meet and make new friends, but the ones I have are pretty great… There are so many reasons to go and so many to stay, but I think it boils down to trusting God and taking that leap of faith.

So here’s to 2019. Let’s make it a great year. I’ll graduate, start my college career (for real), and become a legal adult. Wow. I can’t wait for the great adventures I’ll get to go on with my family, friends, and anyone else that wants to tag along. Here’s to a year of trusting God, loving life, enjoying friends, and Living Different.

photo of person holding sparkler
Photo by Malte Lu on Pexels.com

 

Perfect Design

You guys, the human body is amazing, and its perfect design reflects back to its perfect creator.

I’m inspired to write about this because almost exactly three weeks ago, I was playing volleyball in a gym and, thanks to my overly competitive spirit, I fell on my knee really hard trying to save the ball (didn’t save it). INSTEAD, I ended up tearing a hold in my favorite pants AND bleeding through them. The damage was about the size of a quarter and, like most things do, it felt way worse the next day.

So, it’s been about three weeks and it’s almost completely healed. I can tell you right now that I’ll probably have a scar there for the rest of my life, but how amazing is it that in such a short amount of time it has almost completely healed itself!

I was just so inspired by how much our bodies can handle. I know that there are things way worse than a scraped knee, but it was just so cool to see God’s work in action. So, instead of looking at a scar and thinking of the damage that was done, think of the healing that took place afterward.

God designed us so perfectly that when we get a cut or scrape our bodies can completely replace all of the cells that were involved. Within seconds of an injury, your body is already trying to heal itself!

This week I encourage you to keep an eye out for God’s work in your life, and others. Its so amazing to experience how close He is to us, even though we can’t see him.

As always… In a world full of the same, never forget to Live Different.

Time Flies

So today I’m just going to get right to it…

I love school. Like, I really love school. I love school so much that when I’m done with school, I’m going to pay money to go back to school. I’m a senior, and I’m actually kind of sad about this being my last year of high school. Heres why…

#1 The majority of my friends are either younger than me or just a grade below. The rest are all older and already at a college or building careers. so I’ll be leaving them behind after I graduate.

#2 I have REALLY enjoyed high school whether it be through a Co-Op like LOL (lifetime of learning) or just learning at home, I’ve enjoyed it, and I’m struggling with the thought of leaving it behind.

#3 College seems a bit scary… I’ve already taken a few college courses. I’ve dipped my pinkie toe into the pool of stress, anxiety, fun, and enjoyment that is a college degree. I have enjoyed my college classes, but trying to take them while I’m living on my own and not having my mom right next to me when I freak out because I didn’t turn something in????????? Oh my.

#4 People can be rude. Professors can be terrible and ignorant. I swear my comp 2 professor had never taught a day in his life before teaching in my class. I got an A in that class by the way. Go me.

#5 I’ll have to act like an adult and be responsible. Apparently, I’m not even capable of unloading the dishes into their correct places in the kitchen so we’ll just see how living on my own goes…

#6 I can’t cook. Well, I can make a mean mac n cheese, but you won’t get much else from me. this is not my mother’s fault, by the way, trust me she’s tried, but I can burn water.

#7 I know that I’m a social person, but recently I’ve realized that even I have my limits. I worry about making friends in college. I struggle with the idea that I won’t be able to connect with anyone because I’m homeschooled… I know that’s probably illegitimate, but its a real fear of mine.

So, as I get ready to finish up my last year of high school, I’m hoping and praying that God will constantly remind to live differently for him. I am praying that he surrounds me with friends who share my faith and that he uses me to be a light for those who do not.

Saying that turning this page of my life is terrifying would be an understatement. However, I can not describe how excited I am to go out and learn new things for myself, meet new people, and experience the wonders that this world has to offer.

And I pray that I can do all this while never forgetting to Live Different.

Peace out.

The Curse of Overthinking

I’ve just felt a need to get this out there. I’m an overthinker and a lot of people don’t know it. I can have a pleasant conversation, but later, I’ll sift through everything that was said and start to think the worst. This is one of the HUGE reasons I hate it when people lie to me, but that’s another post all on its own.

In relationships, overthinking has proved to be seriously problematic. I’ll apologize for things that likely never happened and ask questions like “are we friends?” to help myself feel secure. If you’re reading this right now and believe that we ARE friends, I promise you we are, but I also promise that I have doubted it at some point. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done, its really just me thinking too much.

Along with overthinking comes worrying and heartache. Obviously, if I overthink to the point of doubting a friendship Ill start to worry that my doubts are true and then feel sad about that possibility. This is all very dramatic. There have been a lot of instances lately where I believe that I have no friends. None at all. Of course, the worrying sets in and I have believed this lie many, many times. It really hurts when I know that God has blessed me with many friendships, but yet I still doubt that he has given me any at all.

The only way I know how to explain this is by using the roller coaster example. Sometimes I feel way up high and perfectly awesome about how many amazing friends I have, but other times, when I hit the low spot, I spend a lot of quiet hours wondering if anyone will care when I move away.

Through this, however, I have learned a valuable lesson. Through all of the low spots or broken friendships I’ve been through, there has always, always been one,  very special friend of mine who has never left my side. Through all of my troubles and difficulties, God has sat right there next to me, helping me, guiding me, and never leaving me. As much as I doubt my earthly relationships, I know that I can count on his. And this friendship is one that will only bring courage and happiness.

 

Thank you for reading and never forget… In a world full of the same, never forget to Live Different.

Dear, Fall…

I just want to say thank you.

autumn autumn leaves branch color
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Thank you for letting me open my window at night and listen to crickets sing. Thank you for letting me wear my favorite sweaters and helping me enjoy my many pairs of fuzzy socks. Thank you for making my favorite tea taste that much sweeter and allowing me to enjoy the beautiful fall colors. Thank you for sending me beautifully chilly mornings and pleasantly sunny afternoons. I’m so grateful for the way you change the leaves to hold so many autumn tones. Thank you for getting ready to look your best for my senior photos and just downright making me happy. To my favorite season, thank you.